


Rapping Rebels and Fabulous Founding Fathers

by vividder



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Broadcast Format, Crack, Gen, Oh god, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 12:15:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8327464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vividder/pseuds/vividder
Summary: Night Vale gets a mysterious visit from a rapping Founding Father...





	

**Author's Note:**

> I thought this up while waiting through half an hour of extra time on the PSAT. I must have been really bored for this piece of crack to appear in my brain.  
> Anyway, I consider this written in honor of the Hamilton documentary, which I am seeing tomorrow.  
> Please enjoy! Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Hello, listeners.  Today, a strange man has appeared in our town.  I don’t want to say that he’s visiting, because I have no idea where he might have come from or where he might have been intending to go before he stumbled upon our pleasant little hamlet in the middle of the desert.  Anyway, he’s here.  This mysterious visitor is quite a strange figure - he looks a lot like someone pulled from the past.  He is a young man, wearing pantaloons and a double-breasted waistcoat, which are things one should never be wearing in the desert.  Reports are coming in that he calls himself Alexander Hamilton, although he could not possibly be the Founding Father, because it appears he can only express himself by rapping. More on this story as it develops.

 

~~~

 

Listeners, it appears that our mysterious visitor - Alexander Hamilton, his duplicate, or the odd descendent thereof - is petitioning for Night Vale to go to war for its independence.  Sources say he has confronted the City Council at City Hall and presented them with his proposal in the form of a lengthy rap, in which he informed those watching that he was not throwing away his shot, that there should be a war for independence from British tyranny, and that he had never had friends before.  Several audience members reportedly joined in with the song and claimed to be John Laurens, Hercules Mulligan, the Marquis de Lafayette, Aaron Burr, and various backup singers.  Mayor Pamela Winchell has responded with a press release (also rapped), informing Mr. Hamilton that Night Vale did not need rescuing.  She concluded her announcement by playing the Star Spangled Banner on a Sousaphone and firing off twelve cannons strategically placed around Night Vale before rolling away on a hoverboard with an escort by the Sheriff’s Secret Police.  The man claiming to be Alexander Hamilton has yet to respond.

 

~~~

  
Ladies and gentlemen, I have just received news that the man claiming to be Alexander Hamilton has just been escorted to the abandoned mine shaft outside of town.  Apparently, he has been arrested for inciting an armed insurrection, dueling without a license and excessive rapping.  At the time of his arrest, he had managed to convince several of his followers that they were historical figures and that the British still controlled America.  They marched around town, handing out copies of Common Sense and coupons for Big Rico’s Pizza until they were cornered by the Sheriff’s Secret Police.  A brief firefight ensued, which witnesses say distinctly resembled some of the early battles in the American Revolution, and was heavily choreographed and narrated in rap.  Eventually, however, the Sheriff’s Secret Police remembered that they had better weapons than muskets, and captured the insurrectionists, declaring them prisoners of war.  “We’re not sure how long we can hold a Founding Father, considering that he is supposed to be dead, but we’ll figure something out,” the Sheriff said, when asked for a comment on the arrest.  Night Vale lawyers that specialize in undead legislation should report to the bunker underneath the post office at an unspecified time to offer their aid in this confusing case.


End file.
